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About Deviant RobertMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Hello everyone out there who cares to read these things!

I figured it was well past time to give you all an update in my life, especially now that I am starting to feel so much better about myself.  I was depressed for a long, long time; so long that I thought it was how I was supposed to feel normally.  There were flashes of happiness, of course, but my general state was what most people would consider down. 

Things have been on a significant uptick over the past year plus though.  I finally admitted to myself that a relationship I was in was not what was best for me because it would not go anywhere; why would it when she could have her cake and eat it too - one for stability and for appearances with her family and lifestyle and me to actually experience what love was supposed to be?  So I found myself looking for a different relationship, a better one, and I found it.  I can honestly say that the time I've had with my current love has been some of the best of my life when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex.  But even the happiness of being with her and all my friends could not quite completely erase my depressive nature. 

Finally, after speaking to many doctors, I've decided to try an antidepressant again.  The last one I was on did bad things to my heart, raising my resting heart rate from 62 to 96, so I had to get off it quickly before any damage was done.  So I was understandably worried and did a lot of research into my choices before I talked it over with my doctors and therapist.

I'm now 2  weeks into my medication and I can really see the difference.  I still experience the full range of emotions, but I no longer get so sucked into them (especially the negative ones) that I cannot move on to anything else.  Something happened recently where I found my ex once more broke a promise to me, even though she had sworn to uphold it even after we'd broken up.  I'd been fuming over it on and off, not really able to let it go (insert obligatory song).  But on the medication, I've been able to move on, putting this and a lot of other things that have been haunting me behind me.  It's just not worth it to remain angry over these things and over people who are no longer part of my life.

It's like someone reached into my brain and clicked off the greyscale box.  Everything, everything just feels more real, more vivid, more interactive.  It's like I'm becoming an active part of life again, not just existing on its fringes.  It's like every day I look around me and say "Wow, this is what I've been missing?  No wonder people thought I was depressed all the time.

So what does that mean?  Well, for the first time in years, I feel the stirrings of my muse again.  The urge to write, almost the need to do so.  I'll be spending some time tonight and tomorrow seeing if I still have what it takes.  Also, my online presence will become more obvious; I won't skulk around invisibly all the time.  For those who can, you'll see me visibly on Skype and AIM once again.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me through it all.  And for those who haven't?  Well, you'll never know what you're missing.
  • Mood: Hope
  • Listening to: My Past is not Today
  • Reading: The Last Unicorn
  • Watching: Inuyasha
  • Playing: TSR PoR, Skyrim, XCOM, and Ogre Battle MotBQ
  • Eating: Oatmeal
  • Drinking: Pepsi


Proforce's Profile Picture
United States
Current Residence: Bronx, NY
Favourite genre of music: country

Journal History

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Kilo60 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for all the faves! :bow:
Proforce Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015
They're amazing!  You deserve more faves!
skruluce Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2015
Blower fella (Party) Hey Rob, happy birthday!
Sir-Marble-Didymus Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014
Wait, how did you get a ten year badge when you have only been here eight years? :D
AstaAura Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You've been hugged! 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!
1- 3 you're bad friend
4- 6 you're an ok friend
7- 9 you're a good friend
10- & Up you're loved
Sir-Marble-Didymus Featured By Owner May 22, 2014
Oh wow, you are on DA. i never knew. Good to see you alive and kicking.
Proforce Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Your name looks familiar, but I'm not sure who you are I fear.  Forgive my brain.
Sir-Marble-Didymus Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
I emailed you twice, but it was ages ago. I remember asking you about the character Charlotte in your Sonic series, as you had never actually explained who she was at that point.

You also may have seen me occasionally on FUS or SMS. :p I also sometimes pop up on Dan Drazen's page
Proforce Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014
Ahh, it's good to hear from you!  We are hard at work on Sonic #47 and it should be posted by early August if our timing is right.  We do have to find a new pre-reader since our friendship with the one we had has broken down, but we won't let that stop us!
GlitterElixir Featured By Owner May 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hug by KmyGraphic
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